Why Lamenting is a Necessary Part of Life

"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?" - Psalm 13: 1-2 ESV

I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I'm in a season of lamenting right now, and though I know God hasn't abandoned me, I find myself pleading with Him and praying the words David wrote so long ago.

How long, O Lord?

I've been struggling for many years with an endocrine disease, PCOS - to which there is no cure. This disease impacts every part of my life and every system in my body - in particular, the nervous, digestive, cardiovascular, and reproductive systems.

For the last 10 years, I've been to many doctors, had many tubes of blood drawn, had various tests and more scares than I can count. I've been misdiagnosed, given medication for conditions I didn't have, and never found any solutions for the condition that I do have. Frustration is the understatement of the year when it comes to my health.

I'm now entering into a new decade in my life, and have reached a massive breaking point in my unresolved health issues. I'm tired of fighting them, tired of the unpredictability of each day. Will today be a good day or a not-so-good day? Will I be able to function normally today, or will I be forced to curl up into a ball of tears? I never know. Perhaps, that's the most stressful and exhausting part of all of this.

This disease has taken away so much from me. It's taken away my identity, my worth as a woman, my relationships and friendships, and has stolen my self esteem and confidence. One minute, one hour, one moment, I can be laughing, smiling, giggling, and full of joy - only to be swept into the throngs of panic and anxiety in the next second. Out of the blue, out of nowhere, I can usually be found pacing, inhaling my essential oils, shaking like a leaf, desperately pleading in prayer to take these physical symptoms away. Yes, a lovely side effect of my disease is anxiety/panic attacks.

I could write an entire book on my experiences with these monsters, but I'll spare you the grim details for now. They're something I fight on almost a daily basis, and if I go through an entire day without anxiety - it's a huge win and reason to celebrate for me. 10 years of this - it can definitely leave one feeling exhausted, depleted, and discouraged.

After trying to keep a positive attitude, trying to find the purpose and gift in this, I've realized that I simply cannot put on the facade anymore. I realized that I've been busy trying to stuff my feelings down, trying to run and hide from them, instead of taking it all to the Lord. Lamenting. Getting downright real, raw, and honest with God.

King David knew all too well about lamenting. He wrote majority of the psalms, and usually began by pouring his heart and soul out to God. Job - a God honoring man lamented during his time of testing and turmoil. The apostle Paul begged God to remove the thorn in his flesh. And Jesus... the Son of God who suffered the most undeserving death, was sorrowful as He hung upon the cross. My heart grieves for how He felt in His humanity.

"About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?”(which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” )." - Matthew 27:46

In this season of lament, I've learned that it is so necessary to continually pour your heart and soul out to God. He knows exactly what you're feeling, He knows what is on your mind. He knows your troubles, worries and deepest fears. He's simply waiting for you to turn to Him in your pain.

The Lord is truly close to the brokenhearted, He's nearer than the air we breathe. Every hurt that you thought was hidden, Jesus sees and hears. He meets us in our pain, He calls us by name. Scripture tells us to cast all of our anxieties on Him, because He cares for us. (1 Peter 5)

Sometimes it takes a season in the valley to bring us closer to our Father. At least, I've recently discovered that to be true. The God on the mountain, is still God in the valley. The God of the good times, is still God in the bad times. I believe, without times of lamenting, we would be less dependent upon God. I think that we would continually try to do things in our own strength, and give ourselves the glory, rather than God.

I've been through many periods of mourning in my life, and I look back now and think "how did I get through all of that?" The answer is clear: God. Yes, life can be scary, overwhelming, and unfair. Yes, we will feel anger, frustration, and sadness. Yes, people will fail us, sometimes we will feel like nobody understands. We will experience loss, heartache, and confusion.

But here's the best news for you and for me: we're going to be okay. We can choose to trust our Heavenly Father. Among the many gifts that God has given us, He purposefully gave us choice. Why is this good news?

We can choose to be a victim or a victor. We can choose to let our battles define us, or refine us. I'm not saying it's easy - it's so convenient to fall into the victim hood culture of this world. It takes work to make the conscious choice every single day to not let our struggles swallow us whole. Ultimately, that's what the enemy wants. The enemy's goal is to have us fall victim, to stay stuck in resistance, in anger, in our mess. We can choose to do that. Unfortunately, I have chosen that route more times than I'd like to admit. Maybe you can relate. If so, my question is: how is that choice working out for you?

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you." - Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

There is a time for lamenting. It's important. It's necessary to unburden yourself to the Lord. God is our ultimate Healer, and He is the greatest Listener we could ever need. If you're in a dark season, know that it will pass. Know that God will purpose your pain. Know that you don't have to be afraid to cry out to God, share your anger, hurt, frustrations and sorrows. He longs for you to go to Him. He waits with arms wide open.

He will comfort you, guide you, and hold you. Then, there will come a time when your season of lamentation will end. Until then, let's choose to praise Him in spite of our flesh. Let's choose to surrender all to Him and let Him take the wheel. God has a plan for you, and me. He wrote our stories before we were born, and it's impossible for Him to fail us.