Under His Wings

“He will cover you with his feathers; you will take refuge under his wings. His faithfulness will be a protective shield.” Psalm 91:4

Playing a game on my phone after an emotionally exhausting week, I felt it. My heart pounding, the waves of nausea crashing down upon me, my body temperature rising to an unbearable degree. I knew this feeling all too well. I knew what it was. Panic attack. Great, this was not what I needed at midnight, but the body doesn’t seem to care about time.

My spirit seemed to nudge me. Pray. It’s time to pray. I’m ashamed to admit I had kind of been giving God the silent treatment lately. It’s been a really challenging year, and the last couple of weeks only added to the already intense stress I was carrying. Things weren’t going as I hoped, curveballs kept getting thrown my way and I was striking out. Weary, tired, angry, sad, and more than confused, I had enough. Where was God when it hurt this bad? Why did He leave me and my family? These were a few of the questions that flooded my mind.

I had to go get quiet. I had to have some one on one time with Jesus. I knew it, I wanted it, I desperately needed it. All I could pray was “Jesus, I need You. Please save me. I’m so sorry. Please don’t let me go.” I felt something shift in my heart and in my spirit. Scripture passages immediately flowed out of my mind like a wellspring of water. There’s a powerful truth as to why Jesus is the Living Water. I saw clearly what He meant when He said:

“ But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” John‬ ‭4‬:‭14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

One of the Scriptures that I kept repeating was Psalm 91:4. I had no idea why that particular passage came to mind. Although I love this verse, it’s not usually one of the ones I recite when I have anxiety. I turned around in my room and happened to look down. There it was, a beautiful, bright, big white feather laying on the floor right in front of me, out of nowhere.

There wasn’t a feather anywhere around when I walked in, I had nothing around me that would’ve been made out of feathers, and I was nowhere near outside where there was a potential for a feather to fly in. It truly felt like a gift, a hug straight from Heaven.

With tears streaming down my face, I clutched that feather in my hand, closed my eyes, and fell to my knees in gratitude. I had moments before where I felt His presence, but this time, it truly felt like I was seen. It’s still an indescribable feeling that fills me with awe, wonder, and a greater longing to hold onto Jesus, even if some days I’m holding on by the thread of His garment.

I’m writing this not only as a reminder of His presence in my life, but as an encouragement to anyone who may be struggling to find Him, to feel Him, to be close to Him. Jesus truly is near to the brokenhearted, closer still than the air we breathe. He is faithful in every season, even in our driest, darkest nights. You and I are never beyond His reach. Every hurt that you thought was hidden, every tear falling in the darkness, every cry of your heart, Jesus sees.

You are not alone. Run to Him, cling to Him. He holds you in the palm of His hand. He loves you more than you can ever imagine. His promises are true. He will never leave you or forsake you. And, as I saw firsthand, He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge. 🪽

Be blessed.