To The One Grieving What She Thought Her Life Would Be Like…

I see you. I am you. I'm the friend that you desperately need right now. I know that life has dealt you a difficult hand. I know how it feels to have a dream slip through your fingers before you even have a chance to grasp it. I know what it's like to feel lost; your hopes and plans for this new decade of life blew up in smoke. It's unfair. It hurts. You're angry, and you have every right to be. You deserve the same happiness that you pray about for others. You deserve your blessing, your rainbow after a very long storm. I know that doesn't seem possible right now.

Tonight, you just want to be loved. You want to know you're loved. Instead, you keep getting beat down. Nobody understands the pain you carry, nobody will ever see the tears you cry behind closed doors. They'll never understand the stress you're carrying. How heavy it is. How it's getting to be too much weight to handle. How fragile, broken, and exhausted it is leaving you. No one understands why you sleep to escape. How your dreams are better than reality. How maybe, if you sleep long enough, your worries and anxieties and fear will magically disappear. Nobody knows that no matter how late you sleep, you're never rested. You wear your exhaustion like an invisible crown on your head. You don't have a choice.

You don't know where you're going from here. You don't even know who you are right now. This decade was supposed to be better than the last. Instead, it's the same story, same song, same lyrics. You wish and pray to change the station, but no amount of begging can shut off this dismal record that is the soundtrack to your life. You see sunshine up ahead, just tantalizingly out of your reach. You keep trying to chase the color, chase the happiness, chase the peace and tranquility that you know the sunshine will provide, but the grey and black cloud keeps hovering over your head. The thunder rolls, the lightning strikes, the wind swirls you around as quickly as an EF5 tornado. The rain blurs your vision just enough to lose sight of the sun. Before you know it, you're bruised and battered. Defeated, once again.

I want you to know that you're going to be okay. I know you can't see it right now. I know you're sarcastically laughing to yourself, shaking your head and wondering how you're going to make it through yet another storm. I know you want to cry, so my dear, go ahead and cry. Feel your feelings. Cry. Scream. Wail. Let it go. Drop that baggage that is killing you and lay your burdens down at the foot of the cross. It's only there that you will find healing, you will find hope again, you will find peace. It is there, where the Lord is holding His outstretched, nail-scarred hands to you. Reach out and touch Him, feel His tender embrace. He longs to comfort you through your pain. You don't feel Him near you right now, I know. You're questioning everything you hold in your heart to be true. You're tired of walking through the valley of darkness. It's okay to feel that way. But, please, don't give up on your faith. Don't run from Jesus, run to Him.

I know it's hard. I know you want to take control and do things your way, and it's so frustrating that you can't. Please don't buy into the bait of the enemy. Please don't buy into satan's lies. Don't give the enemy a seat at your table. You've come too far. You've fought so hard. Remember what Jesus says in John 16:33:

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

The sun will shine for you. Keep fighting the good fight of faith. Let Jesus be your hiding place, your safe place, your shelter from all storms. Yes, people will fail you. They're human. You can't get what you need from other people, and that's okay. You're not meant to. All you ever need is in Christ, and Christ alone. You know that absolutely nothing can separate you from the love of Jesus. Nothing in the world can or will ever make Him leave you or love you less.

Please trust me when I tell you to hold on just a little bit longer. Take His hand. He's beckoning you out on the water with Him. He's going to make you stronger, He will purpose your pain. Wait until you see what's at the end of the road. At the end of all our breath is the beginning of new life. Listen for His still, small voice. Let Him hold you. He is with you in this pain. You're going to be okay.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30